Navigating Change: What We Let Go, Carry, and Become
Change is everywhere, and it’s constant. Even when it’s exciting and intentional instead of negative and thrust upon us, it can be incredibly stressful. I want to share two books I’ve discovered that are helpful in navigating personal change.
Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes
Many years ago, a colleague introduced me to William Bridges’ book, Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes. I appreciate it because it focuses on the personal aspect of change. Bridges makes this distinction:
William Bridges provides an elegantly simple model for managing personal transitions.
- Letting go – releasing the old and acknowledging that something has ended.
- Neutral Zone (or Messy Middle as I like to call it) – uncomfortable in-between where the old is gone but the new isn’t clear yet.
- New Beginning – new meaning takes shape and commit to a new mindset and way of being.
My colleague discovered William Bridges’ when going through a divorce and found it really helpful. I shared it with my husband when our kids were little, and he’d taken a leave of absence and was figuring out what his next chapter of work would look like. I’ve pulled it out a few times over the years too, as I’ve transitioned in work and my personal life.
Change is situational; Transitions are psychological.
The Rebirth Rituals
I’m currently reading a book by Lacey Heels, The Rebirth Rituals. I met Lacey many years ago at an event on branding that she was running. To illustrate the power of story in a personal brand, she shared how she had been a model in her teenage years. After a photoshoot, she saw the proofs and didn’t even recognize herself because of all the digital editing the photographer had done. From that point on, she decided her brand would be about authenticity and showcasing the real person.
I was so inspired by her story that in 2020, I hired her to shoot my headshots. It was a fabulous experience. We connected on LinkedIn and I recently saw her post about her book. It’s a book of poetry!
In reading Lacey’s poems, I can see the same themes emerging – endings and letting go, liminal space and the messy middle, and rebirth or new beginnings. I appreciate Lacey’s personal perspective. She’s honest and vulnerable. Her poems remind us that beneath big, external change often lies a quiet, deeply personal transition.
As you navigate your personal transitions – whether they are intentional or thrust upon you, I hope you give yourself grace to be in the neutral zone and sit with the discomfort of feeling like you’re maybe not making much progress, but are, in actual fact, right where you should be.
When Leadership Growth Feels Like Circles
I think Liz Fosslien’s illustration, Making Progress, beautifully shows what the ‘messy middle’ can so easily feel like. During a transition, we can so easily feel stuck and like we’re going in circles. It’s not until we come out the other side that we realize we were making progress – it was just difficult to see at the time.
When I coach leaders, they often feel like they’re going in circles. To help them in their transformation and to make progress, I use metaphors.
- The current metaphor describes the leader and how they’re approaching the challenge they want to work on.
- The future metaphor paints a picture of how the leader could lead differently.
Let me give you an example. I coached the COO of a small technology company. He was leading a growing team and wanted to shift from being highly operational to being more strategic, so he could develop his people rather than step in to solve everything himself.
His current-state metaphor was the way of the Decisive Triage Doctor – a leader who enters fast-paced situations, quickly diagnoses what’s needed, and “rolls up his sleeves” to work alongside the team. This metaphor captured his calm, capable presence and his ability to get things done, but also highlighted the cost: when he jumped in, his team had fewer opportunities to grow, and he had less time for COO level strategic work.
His future-state metaphor was the way of the Engaged Movie Director – a leader who holds the overall vision, draws on deep technical insight, and guides others to perform their roles with clarity and confidence. This image helped him picture a leadership style grounded in influence, connection, and orchestration rather than hands-on execution.
Between our coaching sessions, he practiced small shifts:
- pausing to identify priorities instead of reacting
- noticing the triggers that caused him to abruptly retreat
- planning his recharge time more intentionally and re-engaging with greater purpose
Over time, he moved from an overly operational leadership style to a more strategic, guiding presence for his team and his organization.
When this COO was practicing his small shifts, it felt like he was going in circles. But, there was progress – each practice was a small loop upwards in his circle – towards being the Engaged Movie Director. I find the future metaphor, in particular, is helpful for leaders to see a way out of the messy middle or the constant loop that Liz illustrates.
Where do you feel like you’re going in circles, and how might coaching help?
Illustration source: https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5d15594116124000014ec5aa/1633814109033-A8ZYQG42JM2K8ADSK1LO/lizfosslienmakingprogress.png?format=500w
Leading in a Lonely World: Why Human Connection Still Matters
I’ve had a few conversations recently about driverless taxis. When I ask a group of people if they would feel comfortable travelling in an autonomous, AI-driven vehicle, there’s a clear divide between the naysayers and the go-getters. The naysayers cite safety concerns and an overall concern about AI and technology. The go-getters are excited about the possibility that the technology provides. They also talk about the advantages of being in a taxi without the human interaction with the driver. They don’t have to talk with the driver, hear them chew, smell them, or listen to their music.
It makes me think of a contradiction I’m seeing in our society right now. We seem to be interacting with others less. We have our news feeds with algorithms that give us increasingly narrow perspectives. COVID conditioned us to distance socially. We order in and use DoorDash to deliver our food. We don’t need to interact with others in the restaurant or even the staff to pick up our takeout.
At the same time as we retreat into our smaller and smaller worlds, the rates of mental health, loneliness and chronic stress are increasing. 1 We crave quiet, solitude and ‘sameness’ but we need interaction, different experiences and meeting new people.
AI promises many benefits and yet, I think we need to be aware of the costs. Yes, we can take a taxi with no driver and avoid human interaction, but we lose something when we do so.
As leaders, we will need to continue to show up with empathy, authenticity, and curiosity so we can develop our people and our teams to increase resilience, build connection, and be creative.
We need more human connection, not less.
1 Sources: Mental Health (link), loneliness (link) and chronic stress (link)
In case you missed it
I’ve shared some additional posts online. Here they are, in case you missed them.
- Leadership coaching using metaphors (video link)
- Team culture of learning: assessment and learning (video link)
